i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize