Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
