Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
