Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it glows. i had to have it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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