I want to have your abortion
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize