My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
