Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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