All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize