I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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