I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
