I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize