dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
