So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
