Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
