I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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