well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
