I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
