didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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