He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
