PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
