Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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