I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
