hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
