Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
