I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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