I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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