you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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