he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Fuck appropriateness.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
