We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
