you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
