he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
