i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
