Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
