we're blogging at a bar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
