On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
