Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
