They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize