pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
