Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
