So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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