I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
a search helicopter?!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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