Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
