Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize