I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
