After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize