Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
