I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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