Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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