No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
