He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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