you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
