Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
