I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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