wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize