I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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