wrigley field is MILF paradise
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
