omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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