Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
