I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
