the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize