You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
