what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
