I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
