I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
