i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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