Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
