Ambien. No doubt about it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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