I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
