I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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