I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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