Kiss
Puke
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
