Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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