I smell stomach acid.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
