I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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