I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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