My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
