god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the liver wants what the liver wants
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
