I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just found a bag of teeth...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
