You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
