walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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