Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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