the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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