I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
