Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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