Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
