I don't usually arrange sex via text message
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
